The Power of Self-Love: Transforming Your Relationship with Yourself
Self-love is hard, isn’t it? But does it have to be hard?
Or is there a reason behind the difficulties that you’re facing when learning to love yourself more?
Self-love is the ability to love and accept yourself no matter what happens. A good self-love practice benefits not only your mental health and well-being but also your relationships with others.
There’s an old saying: “You can’t love others more than you love yourself.”
“You can’t love others more than you love yourself.”
If your love for yourself is tiny, the love you give to others may be limited. That’s not to say you don’t love others wholeheartedly, but it would mean you will have more love to give once you’ve loved yourself enough.
So what is enough or the beneficial level of self-love?
To me, that’s the level at which I don’t do the following:
Re-create past embarrassing moments in my head.
Self-doubt my abilities, capabilities and strengths.
Self-criticise or self-blame for any matter.
I do occasionally do some of this when I’m feeling down, but I’m now more aware of such patterns that I can flip the narrative easily back to self-loving words.
Practical steps to cultivating self-love
So, how can you cultivate a healthy level of self-love without being an arrogant diva?
1. Start with the intention.
Intention is a powerful word that means intending to “think”, “feel”, or “act” in a certain way.
At the start of the day, you can set an intention to level up your self-love today. Start small or even tiny; you don’t want to overwhelm your ego with a big intention of achieving all the levels in one day!
You can start with either one of these intention:
Only for today, I accept myself for who I am in [a particular area of your life, it can be work, family or friends]. I will not change, self-blame or self-doubt myself as I am who I am.
Only for today, I love myself the way I am, my [physical, mental, or health]. I wholeheartedly love this version of myself.
Only for today, I accept my past mistakes, flaws and incompetence. I love myself for who I have become, not who I was in the past.
⭐️ Hot take: Set an alarm or reminder on your phone throughout the day to remind yourself of the intention you’ve set.
And the more times you catch yourself in a negative loop, the better!
Why? Because that’s how your brain can retrain the pathway that has been repeated for so many years!
To retrain the brain, replace the negative sentence with the intention you’ve set, and your brain will do the rest!
2. Write a reflective journal about loving yourself.
Some of the ways that I used to discover my blocks were through journaling. Sometimes, I find that thoughts in my head are just not as truthful as I believe them to be (surprising, yeah?)!
When I write them down in a journal, I am then able to dissect them and ask, “Do I really believe in that?”
Suffice to say, that journaling is a great way for you to discover where you are currently in your self-love journey, what areas you want to work on, and how to get there.
Here are some journaling prompts that can help you get a clear view of your self-love journey:
What is your biggest struggle with loving yourself, and what can I do about it?
What does self-love mean to me? And where am I on that journey? (Use a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest possible self-love)
What's one critical thought I often have about myself? How can I lovingly support myself when I have this thought?
What are three things I love about my personality, and why?
What flaws and mistakes do I need to forgive myself for? Then, write an apology letter to your ‘past self’
⭐️ Hot take: Play positive-vibe music while journaling! It will help you not dwell on any negative feelings that may come up.
3. Celebrate your achievements
If you’re anything like me, you’ll find it hard to celebrate your achievements.
Sometimes, I need supportive friends or loved ones to point out the obvious to me: “You’ve done it!”
I’ve achieved the goal I set out to achieve, yet I pass it by and head on to the next goal in mind.
Acknowledging and celebrating your achievement is one of the best ways to LOVE YOURSELF!
Seriously, take a look at the past six months. What are the three goals you’ve achieved without even noticing it?
It doesn’t have to be a set-in-stone goal; it can be as simple as “I made it through a busy period at work,” “I took care of myself and ate well,” or even “I’ve survived!”
AND… give yourself a good and warm hug for that! Hold that hug for 10 seconds!
You deserve the celebration! Treat yourself to a cup of your favourite drink—coffee, tea, or champagne!
When you’ve done all that, take out a notebook or journal and write down the date and what you celebrated yourself for.
⭐️ Hot take: Write down how you feel inside, what emotions are surfacing for you, and if you feel compelled to, write a congratulatory letter to yourself!
Be Kind and Compassionate to yourself.
How would you encourage a friend who is down? You’ll first listen to all their woes and what’s happening in their life that caused that mood, right?
When you start to love yourself more, the same will happen to you: the ugly truth beneath will bubble up. When that happens, treat yourself with kindness and compassion, like you’d treat your friend. Be there for yourself; if it’s too tough, talk to a close one or even send me a DM.
On days that you feel really low mood or tired, take a break; you’re allowed to! Don’t worry about keeping track of these intentions daily! No one is holding a gun to your head for it!
Sometimes life gets in the way, and it’s totally OKAY to take a longer break; when you’re ready to get going, start where you left off.
Acknowledge the hard moments you’ve just experienced, pat yourself on the back, and let’s do it again!
It’s a journey, not a competition.
Overall, you will take on this journey sooner or later, and it is a life-long journey, so pace yourself.
You have no one to compete with or compare with, only you and your self-love.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bashed myself up for not being kind to myself; what an irony, right?
It’s okay to slip up here and there. It matters that you pick yourself back up and start with kindness again and again.
The most important relationship in your life is your relationship with yourself; no other relationship should take precedence over this (other than your relationship with God).
I am loving myself for.. myself.
Remember, you’re doing all these things for yourself to better your life, your happiness, and your fulfilment. Do not let others tell you otherwise.
You’re worthy of love, so love yourself. You are enough, so love yourself now, not in the future or the past.
If you want to learn more about self-compassion, you can click here to download my guide on three steps to embracing your inner worth. This also applies to my newsletter, where I send weekly tips on self-love and empowerment!
